"I let out my breath. I'm not sure what I would have thought if she were. I began scooping the scrambled eggs onto a plate."After Ted went to sleep last night, I thought about doing it with a woman." There was a pause long enough to make me hold my breath. "Specifically, I thought about doing it with you." To use your own words, does that make you feel uncomfortable?" Hawk asked."No. Confused. The same as you. I don't want to admit I want to have sex with another woman but I have to. When you look at me, I feel aroused. I dreamed about you again last night, but you were there with Ted." She paused. "You know that's how it would have to be, right? I won't sleep around on Ted. I don't know what we have yet, but I know running around would break his trust. That won't happen."I felt a flood of relief. I didn't know what I thought about that, but her support of us filled me with warmth."Is sex with a woman really cheating on a man?" Hawk asked. "I'm not pushing for that, I just never. I was going to have to book someleave where I could pretend I was having my surgery. The planned deceitdidn't sit well, but my body had become so clearly female from the waistdown I didn't see how I could avoid it."Completely."Her slight frown persisted, but there wasn't anything else she could do- within policy."Pippa, are you okay? Is somebody giving you grief?"Taking a moment to tuck the errant pen back into my tunic pocket, Itried to think of the right answer to the wrong question."I'm getting married." It came out flat, like, 'I've got cancer.'Flatter than it should when the thought of being Nina's 'forever' hadthe power to thrill."Congratulations. Or is it? You don't look over the moon about it, ifyou don't mind me saying." She's going to Afghanistan in a few weeks." She? Oh Jesus, Pippa; you do live a complicated life!"While Mary-Ann wrapped me into an angular hug, I cried quietly into hershoulder, mentally kicking myself for letting go, for having to open upto her again.Nina.
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